introspection
My first year or so teaching, I remember clearly sitting the teacher’s lounge talking with ‘veteran’ teachers. There was a great mix of age range and experience at my school — it was a very bonded staff, one that worked and partied hard. They were fun and they shared an awful lot of wisdom with me.
One of the things many of them told me was that teaching today was much harder than it was ten to twenty years prior. A few even said that if they had to start in teaching today, they would never do it.
It’s the way I’m beginning to feel about writing. And maybe it’s all a matter of perspective at this point, maybe it’s always been a huge struggle to get published and it’s just a bigger deal today because of the blogs and lists, because this information is more accessible. But it just seems harder. A daunting task, which is why so many alternatives to the big NY publishing houses are cropping up.
And then there’s the market and what it will bear. And I’ve thought about it and researched it and hell if I know what to do. Because my first problem is the profession of many of my main characters, the SEALs.
Suzanne Brockmann has that market. Yes, others write SEALs, readers want more SEAL books (I am one of them, so I know) but will an editor look at a proposal and go, “Hmmm, SEALs. Nope, been done.” And Editors have said that, pushed people into creating their own spec op groups, which isn’t a bad idea. I’ve discussed it at length with Katie. The problem is that I’m stubborn. Tell me I can’t write about something and that’s all I want to do.
So that’s where I’m at. Scrapping all my past mss (except FB) and starting over. With Navy SEALs or with a specially created spec ops group — I don’t know yet. Mourning the SEALs is hard. Agent is gone, and that needed to be done. It was an experience that makes me shy away from ever having an agent again. Stop writing? I can’t. I’ve tried — it will not work. It’s in me so deeply that it would be an impossible thing to cut loose from my life.
So that’s where I’ve been on my extended blogging vacation. Soul-searching. I still haven’t come up with any answers at all, but at least I’m back on the boards.
Steph T.
March 29th, 2005 at 2:41 pm
Look at it this way. You’re setting them aside, not scrapping them (and I”m totally feeling you–cowboys don’t seem to be terribly popular outside of I suppose category right now). When…WHEN you do sell, you’ll have TONS Of backstock to start shopping too….
(((Steph))) on the agent and the soul searching. I think sometimes you just have to regroup and see where you’re at sometimes and I’ve sorta been doing the same thing.
March 29th, 2005 at 2:49 pm
It sounds painful! But I’m glad you’re back at any rate :)
Was the parting with the agent recent?
March 29th, 2005 at 3:13 pm
Thanks Cece and Sharon :)
And yes, Sharon - the agent thing happened a few weeks ago…
March 29th, 2005 at 8:18 pm
(((Steph))) Missed you. I can totally empathize, too. I’ve had the whole “new teacher” feeling again with this writing stuff. I keep returning to that “feeling out of my element” sensation I had back then, when I had the Thugs ‘R Us homeroom and every discipline problem kid no other teacher wanted.
As for the SEALS — I worry about my cops and FBI agents and serial killer plot — I mean, how many serial killer books do you think these agents I’m querying are seeing? It’s got to be something like reading sixty persuasive essays on the same topic — mind-numbing after a while.
But then there’s that one kid who takes the tired old topic and adds something to it — a sparkle, a twist, his own voice — and he wows me.
*You’re* that kid, Steph. You just have to keep telling yourself that.
March 30th, 2005 at 7:56 am
I’m right there with you Steph. I worry because of my cops. Cops have been done before . . . many many many times before. And I’ve often said to myself why am I writing this. It’ll never sell. Then I decide I’m telling the stories as they need to be told and in the mean time I’m also branching out to other ideas and themes. But I’m not giving up on my cops. They won’t let me.
March 30th, 2005 at 2:52 pm
You can do it, Steph! You just have to use that wonderful, strong voice of yours and let it rip–whatever story/plot/publisher/line you’ve decided to target. Trust yourself. You’ve got SUCH talent!!!
March 30th, 2005 at 9:28 pm
I swear I posted a ((hug)) here, right after Cece’s post. :-(